I have a bad habit of looking in his backpack in the morning 10 minutes before the bus arrives. I can handle difficult news better in the morning because I have all day to process. Sam having homework hasn't happened yet so I don't really have a specific reason to check out his bag at night.
I am making macaroni and cheese for my vegetarian daughter as the phone rings. It is the Vice-Principal from the school telling me that Sam was put in a restraint. She apologized for not calling sooner but a young man had set fire to his house and one of the victims was once a student at Sam's school. I was doing my best to hold back the tears because nobody likes the news when a restraint has happened. Also, the news of the tragedy wasn't sitting well with me.
I know that the restraint was followed by a time out in the Time Out room. So if you don't know, a Time Out room is a little closet that has nothing on the walls with a big door with a tiny window that is covered with a dark film. I know this because once I snuck up to the second floor, went in the Time Out room and closed the door and stood there. I had visions of my son screaming wanting to get out of this room. As a parent I am not allowed into my child's classroom for whatever reason so that is why I took advantage of the time when nobody was looking. The room is basically a cell.
The next day I am scurrying around trying to get something done because the time is drawing near when I have to drive the 30 minutes to pick up Sam from his school. He had an appointment with his counselor. I arrive at the school with his 1:1 telling me that he did well at ISI. "What is ISI?" is my question. "In school suspension." "What!" is how the conversation unfolded.
The next few minutes I am angry as hell. Why didn't anyone tell me? The phone call yesterday never revealed that he was going to spend the day away from his peers. He was alone with his 1:1 all day. I told the office staff to have the Vice-Principal call me as soon as possible. The phone call never came. While in the car I looked for a report that documented the events that led to the suspension. I found nothing.
I did get a chance to talk with his teacher while I was waiting for his counseling appointment. Something happened in OT and he was put in a restraint. I am fuzzy on the events because he was possibly put in a second restraint after lunch. His teacher went into the Time Out room where Sam started kicking her and trying to slam the door. I was sitting in the lobby at the counselor’s office with tears streaming down my face. She continued talking about how Sam has regressed in the last couple of weeks with symptoms of agitation and needing to be constantly praised. I already knew that he was sleeping a lot in school. Sam became angry because he slept during his turn at the computer for free time and after lunch he had to choose another activity. Why didn’t anyone tell me of his regression?
So what do I do now? I am still waiting for the phone call from the Vice-Principal and 24 hours has passed. I understand that they are busy with everything that happened with that terrible tragedy. It is hard to digest why a 15 year old boy would set fire to his house. This tragedy is specifically the reason why I am frustrated with the school. What does Sam have to do before extra supports are put in place? Extra supports should have been in place before Sam had a blow up. The school saw the regression. I just don't get it.
Maybe I will get that phone call soon.
Definition of Mental
1.a: of, relating to, or being intellectual as contrasted with overt physical activity.
2.a: of, relating to, or affected by a psychiatric disorder <mental patient>.
b: mentally disordered, mad, crazy.
I choose being an intellectual as my definition of being mental.
*The photo that I use for my background was taken by Sam.
I wonder if that boy was getting treated like Sam, and the behavior was his way of communicating his frustration? There is a reason behind acting out- they should know that.
ReplyDeleteI don't understand why you are not allowed in Sam's classroom- that seems such a violation of his rights.
Is there any other school he could attend?
I would also be soooo fuming mad at the situation.
I am really shocked that they don't have an open door policy when it comes to going into the classroom. This just blows my mind!! You as a parent have a right to show up at anytime, well at least I think that is how it is here!! You also have a right to be fuming mad!! I understand the VP has some issues right now--but there should be another administrator in charge that can address you about the situation. (((HUGS))) because I'm in tears reading about your son. How infuriating!!
ReplyDeleteAs for the padded rooms (what they are called here), I have only had to witness someone being in those rooms one time. There is a special school for kids on the spectrum, and I know the psychologist and staff that runs the school, and they have a lot of resources in place for their students.
I watched in horror as one older boy (probably 16 or 17) was having a meltdown. He was quite aggressive during the meltdown and I wasn't sure how the 1:1 would handle him--but he directed the student into the padded room. (The boy was NOT in restraints!! I remember this clearly.) My guess is it wasn't the first time because they boy did not fight the 1:1 about going into the room. Still I was mortified.
The 1:1 stood outside the room quietly --but the student wasn't asking to come out. (He seemed to be punching the walls in there?? Not sure). When he did ask to come out the 1:1 asked him how he was doing, the student replied "better" and his demeanor was much calmer--but he wasn't over all of his anger and aggression. The 1:1 took him into the gym and they walked it out. It was still tense--but it seemed to do that student a world of good to exercise to calm down. I hated to see this boy go through his meltdown--I hated to see him in that padded room but his 1:1 seemed to have the boys best interests at heart--he was always positive when he spoke to him and after what seemed to be an eternity--the boy really did have a better day.
However--I will point out two differences from what I read of your son. This school has an open door policy. I made an appointment to go observe the school that day (I was considering putting my daughter there) and I had no restrictions to where I could go or what I could observe. They told me that it was always and open door policy for the parents and family of the students. Secondly, there were cameras everywhere. I do mean everywhere...and at anytime you could go pull feed if you needed. They even mentioned this as a prospective parent of a future student. I did not end up taking my daughter there because the 40 mile drive each way was not worth it, so she is home schooled.
My daughter takes Melatonin to go to sleep at night... because she is older she can have up to 3mg at bedtime. This helps her go to sleep--but does not prevent her from waking up to go to the bathroom, etc. Also, we just invested in a white noise fan. This really helps her sleep well. We've had it for less than a week and the difference is amazing. I may even get myself a white noise fan (about 55.00 off of Amazon). I cannot remember if I shared this with you--but if your son has trouble sleeping at night look into those two things.
Sorry my comment is so long!! I'm looking forward to another post from you and learning what happens when you finally do talk to the VP.
Jenn