Saturday, September 1, 2012

Darn It All To Heck Anyway

You would think that I would know how to back out of a driveway but no, I only look behind me on the right and I clean of my passenger side mirror with a tree.  I got out of the car and cried.  My thoughts quickly went to the fact that again, I have to call my parents asking for help because I don't have a dime to my name.

It isn't the car that upset me.  Things happen and I pull up all the sayings like, "This too shall pass." or "Nobody was hurt." and my favorite, "I am not dying from cancer."  I will take a crushed mirror over whatever ever worse thing that could of happened.  

So let me back up a week.  OK, I need to back up two weeks.  I have mentioned this before that Sam's school is all in upheaval about who will be on his team.  I am thinking the worst and trying to get all the paperwork into the lawyer just in case the worst is Sam's reality.  In addition to that, I made a bad business decision and I walked away $300 in the hole.  Anyway, I am trying to get over myself and it isn't working.

After all of this transpired I was looking forward to talking to a future care planning agency about setting up a Special Needs Trust for Sam so I can finally set up his page to sell prints and have fundraisers for Sam's SLR Camera.  I walked away from the meeting realizing that I would have no control over monies that I put into the trust.  I sit here feeling guilty for wanting to eat well and look nice while networking for Sam.  If something wonderful happened and Sam became wildly successful I would love to set up foundations to help families get what they need for their child for their special need.  It is complicated because I am on SSI and Sam is on SSD.  Sam and I are completely in the hands of the government.  

So for today, I am sitting here trying to figure out if I should be as honest as I am about my life and my hurts. I got this message from my friend Stephanie, " when I see you post things I'm reminded that I'm never alone and yeah, well. thanks so much for everything you do. We appreciate you too :)"  I can"t express in words how much this means to me.

I had the priviledge to listen to an interview with Michael Ricucci from Terra Rising Records.  Michael and his business partner Michelle Akaras are currently in production of a film Music Rising about the power of Music Therapy.  They also do fundraising to help with funding for music in education.  These are two selfless people that I love to follow.

I would like to share what I wrote to Michael.

Michael, I think my favorite part of the interview is the interviewer's question, "What advice do you have to the brand new artist that is hoping to connect."

I listened to what you were saying and I asked myself if I know who I am, what I am saying, and what is my mission with Sam.

In a nutshell this is what I come up with every time I ask myself these questions.  I am a single Mom living in poverty.  I am on SSI and Sam is on SSD.  I want to connect with others as they see me climb out of poverty knowing that they can bring their dreams to reality.  I want people to learn what Sam's Autism really is and that is just isn't me taking Sam out to take wonderful photos and all this magic happens.  In addition to that I want people to get an idea of what living with a Bipolar diagnosis is and how it is manageable.  I want Sam to have a life where he isn't living off of $721 a month on SSD or SSI.  Temple Grandin says, "Living on Social Security if not a job choice."  I also have my dream of being a writer/speaker about our travels and experiences.

I am hopeful that others will be inspired by my story.

My biggest dream is that if my daughter needs help financially because she has mountains of bills from college  that I can help her.  As it stands now, I have a lot of work to do.

To all of my readers, I so appreciate all of you. To all of my photographer friends, thank you for inspiring me.

Sincerely,

Debra Pierce Bellare



Definition of Mental

1. a: of, relating to, or being intellectual as contrasted with overt physical activity.
2. a: of, relating to, or affected by a psychiatric disorder <mental patient>.
b: mentally disordered, mad, crazy.

I choose being an intellectual as my definition of being mental.

*The photo that I use for my background was taken by Sam.



2 comments:

  1. Hello Debra! Thank you for all you do to inspire! Life happens, we move through it, you are moving through it AND may I add more gracefully than some!

    Glad I found your blog! Keep writing and sharing!

    All the best,
    Amy White
    Farfromparadise.org

    ReplyDelete
  2. thanks for this dear......really nice

    Crowdfunding

    ReplyDelete