The Meeting

My hands are trembling.  I look down and see that familiar wiggling of paper that is being held by my uncooperative extremities while willing my body to stop.  I feel that familiar buzzing in my head and I know they can see me shake.  "You can do this! You can do this!" is drumming in my head.  Finally I am defeated.  I can't do this! I am trapped!  I am an animal with no way out except to attack.  I AM OUT OF HERE!

If someone was to ask me to write a quick synopsis of this mornings meeting, the above is what I would have to say.  The meeting didn't go well, not even a little bit.

When Sam was little, he and I were bullied by a group of Moms at our low income place that resembled my perception of hell.  They used to dump dirty diapers under my window and call management. They also would teach their young kids to beat on Sam.  I made a meeting to try to have the establishment help me and they organized their attack ahead of time planning on how they would band together to make me the villain.  This is the flashback I was having while I was staring at a piece of paper that the school got together in advance to plan what they would say so Sam and myself had no voice.

Concerns of 12:1:1 team

1.  Student safety and safety of others.
2.  Disruptive and dangerous behaviors which include; yelling, screaming, crying, ...... I don't need to continue on this one.
3. Aggression toward peers and staff
4.  Self-injurious behaviors
5.  Bolting
6.  Blocking entrances/exits
7.  Unpredictable behavior triggered by apparent mood swings
8.  Intensity and duration of outbursts
9.  Sleeping
10. Student complaint of tremendous sadness
11. Inability to take any adult direction
12. Inability to complete any kind of academic work.

Student Needs

1.  Full time mental health
2.  1:1 paraprofessional assistance
3.  Autism hours
4.  Time out/calm room
5.  Asssistive Technology

The rest of the paper said what they tried and it listed around 30 items.  There was no possible way they could have tried all of these things in such a short amount of time.

This is the paper I was holding while my body was starting to go into fight or flight.

How does someone respond to this?  He needs the Time Out Room AKA Seclusion Room?  They forgot to list he needs to be restrained because Sam would never just walk calmly to a time out room when he feels he is backed into a corner.

This is what Sam tells me about restraints and the use of seclusion rooms.  "Mom, I am bad  because they tell me I am bad."  What they say is, I am supposing, "Sam if you made better choices these bad things would not happen."  My son has Autism and his brain is wired differently.  My son is also 95% successful in the community.  Anybody that follows us knows that Sam is not a violent person nor is anyone afraid of him. He doesn't swear and he doesn't break anything in the home. The last thing he added about his new school is that he confided in me that the social worker would scream at him saying, "HOW DO YOU LIKE IT WHEN SOMEONE IS SCREAMING AT YOU!"

The reality is this.  There is no place for Sam.

So I sat in the meeting and they made their attack.  I attacked back saying that it is the educational system that has abused Sam to the point where school is a trigger and he continually went into fight or flight.  I tried to make my argument that they had an outdated Fuctional Behavioral Analysis and all the Behavioral Intervention Plan says is to give him three warnings and if he doesn't comply he is restrained and put into time  out.

We had three formal allegations of abuse last year against a school where multiple people have contacted me telling me about their child's bruises.  It is sickening.

The ending point of the meeting is when the social worker said that Sam was traumatized in my home before he entered the school system.  Again, it is the Mom's fault.  I was stupidly honest about a few things in my life with emphasis that my life has been on the right track for 8 years which is when the restraints and seclusions started.

Sitting in that meeting I completely understood how Sam felt.  I got up, grabbed my stuff and said as quickly as possible before I fell into a lump of volcanic tears, "We are tabling this meeting, I am calling my lawyer and I will get my team together.

It was one of the worst days of my life.  I sat there alone with nobody to guide me or assist me.  It will be different at the next meeting.  I am a fighter and I am getting my ducks in a row.  This is not my fault.  Sam is diagnosed with Autism and he has been traumatized.  End of story.