Sunday, November 27, 2011

The Best Kind of Different

I started this blog because I love to write.  I have great fun writing and saying words such as serendipity and luminous.

I also have words that I dislike.  I think of the word through.  It looks all jagged and rough to me.  Unfortunately, this word is in the title of my other blog.  I am weird like that.

As much as I love to write, it is equaled by my love of the written word by others.  There are countless hours that I spend reading while waiting for appointments or sitting at a play place.  During the summer Sam fishes for hours and books keep me company.  Memoirs are my favorite and I devour them.  Human behavior fascinates me.  My favorite subject is Autism.

On my last trip to the library I was appalled by the lack of books about Autism. 

"We are changing and updating our inventory to stay current," was the response I got while asking where all the books went.

My thoughts ranged from "What?" to "No! You can't do that!"  How are we going to learn about Autism as a culture if you throw out the history?  I think of the very famous book, The Siege, written by a Mom educating the masses of what Autism is.  The Siege is the book that educated me on the term "refrigerator mother".  In 1949 Leo Kanner, who wrote about Autism, was calling attention to what he saw as a lack of parental warmth and attachment to their children diagnosed with Autism.  Apparently he thought the fault was on the mother.  I can only hope that history doesn't repeat itself.  Totally bummed I settled on two books.

The first book is Cowboy & Wills: A Love Story by Monica Holloway.  It is a true story about a boy and his dog.  The writer eloquently wrote where the words pressed me forward to read more.  I finished the book in one day.  I can't critique this book because I don't want to spoil the experience of reading it.  I can say that it is one of the best books on Autism that I have read. 

The next book is The Best Kind of Different written by Shonda Schelling.  The book was at first a disappointment.  The Schillings are a baseball family with a bank account in the millions.  My initial thought while reading was that I can't relate to wealth.  My OCD tendencies will not let me quit reading a book because of an obsessive fear that I might miss something so I continued reading.  

I stopped dead when she received her son's diagnosis with the Doctor advising her to not put the diagnosis in the school file.  I just couldn't believe that a professional would say that.  I have chosen to educate my son about his Autism and he doesn't feel any different.  He accepts his diagnosis as part of himself.  I remember the time when Mina, Sam and I were walking and I was talking about her being a neurotypical teen. She asked me what it was and told her that it means she doesn't have Autism.  My statement was immediatly followed by Sam's cheerful response, "I have Autism!" 

I read on to learn that the writer chose to educate her son on what Autism was and how to adapt to the diagnosis.  I know parents that choose to not tell their child about their Autism diagnosis and that is ok.  All of the reading that I have done by writers diagnosed with Autism say that they are happy that they know of their diagnosis.  This is the reason why I told Sam.  There is nothing wrong with having an Autism diagnosis is my philosophy.

The confusing part to me was her words, " A diagnosis of straight Autism had seemed off.  The profile of kids with Asperger’s fit Grant perfectly."  She talked about the inability to understand social cues and sensory issues.  She continued talking about wandering and being fearless.  The list goes on with my thoughts drifting to, "That's my kid and he isn't diagnosed with Asperger’s."  My understanding of Aspergers is an early acquisition of language and a high IQ with all the other things that go along with an Autism Spectrum Disorder.  I have read that some want to get rid of Aspergers, PDD, NOS, Autism and have everything under Autism Spectrum Disorder.  It is all very confusing and professionals that I have met say that the Asperger population will lose out on much needed assistance because they will have too high of an IQ.  Some say that they are changing the criteria to save money.  I don't really know.  I just wonder if a millionaire raises money for Asperger's does the money go to the rest of the population of people diagnosed with an Autism Spectrum Disorder?  I probably think too much.

Shonda writes about her strategies of raising her son.  She used the 0 to 5 reaction scale with five being a call to 911.  If her son was screaming she would ask him to rate his response.  I thought that was interesting.  She also talked about the "social consequence map"  where there are four columns (1) my action, (2) how I felt, (3) how others felt, and (4) consequences.  I really think that her ideas in the book could be useful for Sam.

The last part of her book she describes her depression.  She was totally honest on how she dealt with her frustration of raising her son while not knowing that an illness was attacking her ability to cope.  I am now a fan of Shonda Schilling.  Not only is she a fighter for Autism, she is a fighter for Mental Health.  She is my kind of lady.  Besides, I am in full agreement that my son, diagnosed with a Autism Spectrum Disorder like her son, is the best kind of different.


Definition of Mental

1.a: of, relating to, or being intellectual as contrasted with overt physical activity.
2.a: of, relating to, or affected by a psychiatric disorder <mental patient>.
b: mentally disordered, mad, crazy.

I choose being an intellectual as my definition of being mental.

*The photo that I use for my background was taken by Sam.

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