#1 Rule: Keep Your Appointmets

When things get tough, well meaning people say, "Don't worry Deb. It is just a bump in the road."  I appreciate these comments and I am thankful that people care enough about me to lift me up and push me forward.  Lately these bumps feel more like mountains and all I want is for them to go away. 

I write about having a Mental Illness for one reason.  OK, I have two reasons.  The first is that I have hopes that maybe my blog will find someone that is struggling to survive and I can be of some help. For the first time in my life I feel emotionally stable.  Yes, I have the dips that maybe dip a little more than the normal person.  The dips are manageable and aren't too deep where I can't find my way out.

I would have to say that my second reason is these two basic questions that I ask myself, “How can I teach a person what it is like to have a  Mental Illness and how can I dispel the myths that hover over a person who has the Mental Illness if I don't talk about it?"  For these two reasons, I write my story.

I write the term Mental Illness loosely.  Actually, I hate the word Mental Illness.  I would prefer to use the term Mental Health Challenge because I challenge my mental health to not defeat me.  I am winning.  I use the term Mental Illness because that is what people are used to hearing. 

It is said that  you can't go around, under or over a bump in the road that represents your current situation.  I have learned that you have to go through it.  I would rather go around it.  I hate confrontation because it makes me symptomatic.  My current situation is that I don't like my therapist.  When I first came to the clinic she was assigned to me and I knew that it wasn't a good match.  I wasn't happy and I asked for a new person to talk to about my hopes, fears and dreams.  I was transferred to Jason and he was the best therapist I have ever had!  He was there for me, he listened and he never judged.  He moved out of Rochester and I was devastated.  It took me so many years to find a good one.  I was placed with my original therapist. 

I told her that I wasn't happy and she said that we had to make it work.  I don't show up for appointments.  I either oversleep or I just happen to forget.  Just like Sam, I am not compliant when I am not happy.  I don't mean to forget or oversleep but somehow it always happens. 

I say that the #1 rule for me is to keep my appointments.  I have learned the hard way that if, for whatever reason, I end up in the Psych ED and they call my therapist, it would be in my best interest if they said that I was compliant.  This is the definition of compliant: 1: ready or disposed to comply: submissive 2: conforming to requirements.  To me this means that you don't have to like it but you have to do it. 

Recently I was going over my calendar dates on my phone and I realized that I missed an appointment with my Psychiatrist.  So much was happening with Sam that I forgot to check my phone.  I panicked because he told me that I would not receive my meds if I forgot to show and discuss how I was dealing with all of my issues.  I missed my slot of alloted time because I had decided to work and I chose money over my pills.  I had to fight to get my meds and I promised that I would never decide to do something else besides checking in so my meds could be filled.

I was scared as I drove to the clinic.  I was going to give it my best shot to get another appointment with the Psychiatrist.  I figured that while I was there I would ask the clinic how I could change therapists.  I walked up to the reception desk ready to make my speech.  She looked it up and my time with the Psychiatrist wasn't until the 31st.  I was elated that this was one more thing that I didn't have to deal with.  I asked about changing therapists and they said that I had to talk with her directly.  I feel disspointment because now I have to deal with the one thing I hate the most which is confrontation.  I decided to make the appointment and be a big girl and hope that the therapist will let me be and make the change.  I went home with two little white cards that proved that I wanted to be seen and that I wanted help.

These two little cards became a saving grace because that afternoon CPS came knocking on my door.  Someone as an issue with me and has made false allegations for whatever reason.  I knew that if the worker called the therapist, she would become aware that I was non compliant.  When the CPS worker asked me about therapy I showed her the two cards with my alloted time.  She now knows that I am compliant and that might be the one thing that saves my behind.

I have learned my lesson.  KEEP MY APPOINTMENTS.  End of discussion.

Definition of Mental

1. a: of, relating to, or being intellectual as contrasted with overt physical activity.
2. a: of, relating to, or affected by a psychiatric disorder <mental patient>.
b: mentally disordered, mad, crazy.

I choose being an intellectual as my definition of being mental.

*The photo that I use for my background was taken by Sam.