Teaching Self Advocacy

Sam and I are driving home from his Music Therapy session and he tells me that one of the men from school threw him into the time-out room and he landed on his behind.  His statement wasn't emotionally filled, it was more of a statement of just the facts.  The last comment of "he isn't supposed to do that" was what hit me the hardest.  Don't we teach our children that we aren't supposed to break the rules?  More importantly, doesn't research tell us that our kids with Autism don't lie?

The next day Sam shows his social worker at Easter Seals how the man didn't throw him in the room but opened the door once Sam was in the room and pushed him to the ground.  What is a Mom to do?  The phone calls start the next morning as I try to find people to help me.  I talk to people that say that the school needs to take care of it.  Conversations fill the air with other Moms telling their stories of how their kids are mistreated.  There are Moms that even tell me that I should bug my child with a wire to record actual events at the school.  I am tempted.

This is what I hear Sam say.

Two days later I am driving with Sam and he changes his story.  He tells me that he doesn't remember what happened.  My ears perk up and my instincts start churning with a feeling that doesn't feel right. The next day I start asking him questions and he informs me that the Principal sat down with him and told him that what he is saying about the man pushing him is not true.  I send an email to the principal with a cc: to the superintendent of the school.  She emails me back saying that she had never talked with Sam.  Sam sticks by his story.

People ask me, "Does Sam ever lie?"  The answer is no.  There has been a few times that I recall where he tries to tell a white lie but it never really works out.  He has to tell the truth.

All of this hurts.  I will be sitting trying to be rational and pain will well up until I double over in tears.  My inner child is screaming as I stuff my face with food until I get that feeling of getting an internal hug.  Sam seems to be OK but I really don't know.  I talk with Sam about maybe moving going to a new school and he asks me, "What happens if it is worse?"  This doesn't sound like a kid who is telling stories.

For now all I can do is talk about the pain.  I know that there is a huge hole in the school system for our kids. Our kids with Autism understand the world differently than our neurotypical selves.  We learn how their sensory systems and wiring of their brains make decoding the world and our rules so difficult. Haven't we heard how Temple Grandin says that she feels like an alien visiting our planet?

The school sticks by their conviction that if Sam gets out of control that he is isolated from his peers.  I am taught that our kids behaviors are a way to communicate their needs. I am also taught that if something doesn't work you go back and try something different.  It doesn't seem fair to place all the responsibility on an eleven year old child that needs support to learn how to follow their rules.

For now I will tell the school that I no longer support their behavior plan.  I will advocate for Sam to start having a voice and for him to be able to tell the school how he feels.  I will teach Sam that he is important.  I will show Sam through my example that it is important to be heard.


Definition of Mental

1.a: of, relating to, or being intellectual as contrasted with overt physical activity.

2.a: of, relating to, or affected by a psychiatric disorder <mental patient>.

b: mentally disordered, mad, crazy.

I choose being an intellectual as my definition of being mental.


*Mina made me the cover for my kindle.

*The photo that I use for my background was taken by Sam.